I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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