So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
