What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
