can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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