This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
