DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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