after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
