I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
don't judge my taste in strippers
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Randomize
