I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.