life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird