You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
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Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
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DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug