Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?