I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.