so that wasnt chicken after all
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
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Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
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There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...