i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
