There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
