I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
