is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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