she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
false alarm, still single
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
