dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
