KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
