fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
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Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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