roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
