It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
