Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
