from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
