Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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