someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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