hell yes lets make some ravioli
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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