Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
