Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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