youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
