So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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