i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
