i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
