Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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