I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
