Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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