do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
