The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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