the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
