well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
