This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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