Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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