He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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