i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
