I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
