I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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