This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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