Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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