I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
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I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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