I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
