look no pants
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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