I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Randomize
