Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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