Already got asked if we're dating
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
