i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
