dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
