turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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