Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
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He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
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Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
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