Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
