can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just had sex bonerless
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
