i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Only a mothe r could love this liver
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
