Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm really into asian looking animals
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
