i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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