Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
