I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
