dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Someone shattered a urinal.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
