Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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