nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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