he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
