I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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