Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
