Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just found puke in my bra..
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
