You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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