why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
