so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
