is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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