Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
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And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
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Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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